He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
