I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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