Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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