I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
