Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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