I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
