I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
