I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
