so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
