Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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