I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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