i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
did i just pee glitter
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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