Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
