In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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