I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
