Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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