She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
