i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
