You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
