...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
