nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
