I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk is not a location!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
