but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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