here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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