i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
