actually, I'm a sock model
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
