I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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