she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
