Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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