It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
