I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
