tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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