went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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