Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
