i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
