I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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