Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
