Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
