me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
