Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
