no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
