Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
