Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
