I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you didnt know i had herpes?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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