there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
