okay pat passed out under dana's car
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
