When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
