i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
