I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
