I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
