yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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