Whod you bang
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
