Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize