I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize