make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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