are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
