Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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