Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
