just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize