Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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