dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
