he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
