Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
