I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
