i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
